As my due date fast approaches, I’m reminded of just how truly blessed we are. Just over 10 months ago we suffered a miscarriage and we lost our sweet baby who we named Hope. In that season, we wouldn’t have dreamed that our blessing of new life was just around the corner.
Now, we wait in anticipation and excitement as 9 months soon become a countdown of weeks till our little girl arrives; yet I still so vividly remember my precious pregnancy with Hope. As the anniversary of losing her will soon arrive, I am reminded of why we gave her this name; to symbolise and remind us that we have Hope for the future. Our beautiful baby girl who we’ll meet in just under 9 weeks is living proof of the Hope we were promised.
Jeremiah 29:11 (MSG)
I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.
I know there are women whose hearts are heavy and aching right now as they’re reminded of the baby they lost; no matter their age, how recent or long ago.
I’m sure in time, my heart will heal and I’ll be able to write about my experience. But for now, I just simply want to say this. If you have lost a baby, regardless of how old; during or after pregnancy- know that God hears your cries, he sees your tears and he is holding you right now. He cradles you in his arms and weeps with you.
“The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are attentive to their cry” Psalm 34:15
“Jesus saw her weeping, and he saw how the people with her were weeping also; his heart was touched, and he was deeply moved.…Jesus wept” John 11:33, 35
He knows your feelings and frustrations. He’s seen the crisis in your soul. There’s no hurt that goes unnoticed by God. Psalm 56:6 says, “You know how troubled I am; you have kept a record of my tears.”
“God sees the hurt in your heart like nobody else can.” Pastor Rick Warren
Sweet sister, I am holding you and lifting you up in my prayers- your partners too. My heart breaks with you.
My story and yours will be different- but know this one thing and carry this truth with you; in the moments you feel hopeless, know that there is Hope! Living Hope for your future.
I found this short poem that I wrote only a week after losing our baby Hope. As the anniversary approaches, I thought I would share it in the hope that you, beautiful sister in Christ, will be comforted and know that you are loved.
The link to the song at the end comforted me each day as I listened to the words and even as tears flowed, I found peace and still do from knowing that we will see our baby again in heaven one day.
‘I’ll hold you in my heart until I can hold you in my arms’
2 blue lines appeared on the test
Daddy and I wept tears of joy!
New adventures! New beginnings! What happens next?!
Mummy was sick; her body preparing
A bubble for you, safe and caring
Each morning I woke
Wondering how you were growing
My belly I’d stroke
Growing bigger each day; yes, I was showing!
Your Daddy kissed and cradled my belly
Talking to you and ignoring the telly
Resting his head gently upon my bump
Wanting you to know his voice
His way of showing he loved you; you made his heart jump!
We dreamed of how you’d look and your personality
The person you’d grow into
Oh how proud we would be!
We prayed; asking God for protection
A healthy baby
We’d give you so much affection
14 weeks and Mummy’s belly grows bigger
The scan we await
Oh to hear your heartbeat and take home your first picture!
‘I’m so sorry, there’s no heartbeat’ are words I’ll remember forever
As the crushing news came
You hadn’t grown any bigger
Our sweet, beautiful baby; we thought you were growing
Did you slip away without us knowing?
Oh how we dreamed of holding you in our arms,
Watching you take your first steps
Singing you lullaby songs
‘Hope’ we’ll call you; you deserve a name
Symbolising hope for our future
And others the same
We think of you each day, especially me
As I see other pregnant women
My heart aches ‘oh how I wish it was me!’
For now our arms are empty and our heart’s feel numb
We long for the day of seeing your beautiful face, hearing you call us Daddy and Mum!
We know God has you
You are one of his precious children
His special gem
Sweet baby Hope, please know
Your Daddy and I love you
You brought so much joy into our lives watching you grow!
But for now little one
Until we hold you in our arms, we’ll carry you in our hearts
Sweet baby Hope, you’re our little ray of sun
We’ll never forget those 14 weeks
You were more than a bump
A beautiful life who unbeknown to us was fast asleep
So wake up sleepy head
Your Heavenly Father’s taking care of you
Until the day comes, when we can instead
What a blessing you are and will always be
I feel honoured to have carried you
No matter how short a time it has been
Glory Baby: Written by Christy and Nathan Nockels (Watermark)