I’m watching you grow before my very eyes. It’s weird, I’ve never experienced the speed of time in this way before you arrived. So in the busyness of trying to do everything and be a Mum- today I stopped, and just took it all in.
The pots are stacked up high in the kitchen, the floor needs sweeping, bedrooms upstairs are piled high with washing and unmade beds. The number of unread emails are ever increasing, visible dust collecting along the surface of our furniture is ready to be polished away- yet despite all this, today, I just held you, taking it all in.
The washing rests bone dry on the maiden, it’s 10am and we’ve not even left the house yet. I haven’t brushed my teeth or applied any makeup, my hair hasn’t been washed in days and I’m fast becoming accustomed to the ‘shoved back in a bobble’ look- and yet despite all this, today, I just rocked you in my arms and admired your beautiful face- taking it all in.
My unfinished blogs and books are piling up, my bike is sat idle in the garage, the sun is shining and I so desperately want to get out, but instead, today, I sit you on my lap and we share a story book together. I’m taking it all in.
There are films I’d love to be watching, clothes that need to be tidied away, phone calls that need to be made and messages that require a reply, yet despite all this, today, I lay you on my knees just how you like and rock you to sleep singing your favourite songs. Today, I’m taking it all in.
You’re fidgeting in your cot, cooing and babbling quickly merge into a quibbled bottom lip and a cry. They tell me you’ll self soothe and usually you do, but today I picked you up and lovingly cradled you over my shoulder, holding you tight- its what you like best! ‘You’re making a rod for your own back’ the professionals say, but today, despite all this, I just want to cuddle you and hold you tight- I’m taking it all in.
I rock you from side to side, taking note of the gentle beat of your heart against my chest, your warm and cosy body is like hugging a hot water bottle. I love how your head lays so perfectly into the crease of my neck, how your tiny fingers wrap around my one with the tightest grip that won’t let go. I sit in amazement gazing into your beautiful big blue eyes of which span the many spectrums of blue when the sun catches them. Your peachy skin glows radiant afresh and even more so when the sunlight shines down on your perfect face. Today, I’m taking it all in.
Even when your sleeping, I watch the Moses basket begin to rock and I giggle to myself as your legs wriggle, curl and stretch way above your tummy- it’s a sign you’re getting ready to wake up and proof of just how flexible you are! Today, I’m taking it all in.
As you’re preparing to wake, instead of rushing around trying to get as much done as possible before you finally wake, today I just stop and stare. You pull the funniest faces and stretch your arms out way above your head, you attempt to rub your eyes and pout your lips, making the cutest sounds before you wake, often you’ll drift off back to sleep but not this morning. You slightly open one eye and then the next, turning your head before they open wide. Next comes the moment where my heart bursts with joy- it’s when you fixate your eyes on this person peering into your basket, quickly recognising my face at which point you break into a smile I’ll never get bored of. Your eyes glint and sparkle as you break into a smile and your cheeks begin to dimple as you open your mouth wide. So yes, today, I peered in while watching you sleep and gazed as I watched you wake. Yes, today, I’m taking it all in.
You’re starting to coo and babble now- new sounds every day. We often take it in turns- you make your own sounds and then I do the same. I can almost see the cogs turning, processing all the information inside your little head. I just love how vulnerable you are, you wear your heart on your sleeve already, your smiles infectious and your curious gaze never gets old. Today, I’m taking it all in.
You wriggle and wrestle, no longer comfortable in the crease of our arms- unless you’re feeding. Over the shoulder, face to face on the end of a knee or facing outwards to see the world is what you prefer. Your eyes wander and you take everything in- so observant and alert no different to day one, oh how you love to see what’s going on. You follow a sound or object so intriguingly and listen to voices intently with a gaze that melts the heart. Your facial expressions are priceless and overflowing joy exudes your demeanour- your name Ava Joy- it’s a perfect fit. Today, I’m taking it all in.
So in all the busyness of life, I want to always make time to stop and take you in. To listen when you need me, to notice the things that could so easily go unseen, to take a genuine interest in your interests and most importantly- for you to know just how much I love you, if not always by words but by actions also.
It’s as I’ve taken today to really treasure you and almost stop time for the day, that I’ve realised just how much I appreciate all that Jesus did for you and I. When I take a moment to really process just how much Jesus loves you and I, His promises of unconditional and eternal love, presence, grace, hope and future just amazes me. The trials He’s brought me through and enabled me to not only face but overcome, the blessing of you and your sister Hope, the healing and restoration of my marriage and the uniting of family and answered prayer of great friends, are just a few reminders of why I’m so very thankful, and today, I’m taking it all in.
I wonder if like me today, you’ll take time out to just stop. Stop to not only treasure your loved ones, but the one who loved you before you were even born, the one who first loved you! Praise Him for all He’s done and all He promises to do. Take some time to just take all that in.